Over the years I've pondered the meaning of trials and sorrow that my loved ones or I have endured. Some believe there are lessons to learn from hardship. I agree. In many instances we learn compassion, empathy, faith, trust, and humility. Our own choices will often lead to natural consequences that require repentance and remorse. However, there are some heartbreaking challenges that we may not understand during this lifetime.

There have been a number of young parents I know and love, taken from this life through sudden unexpected death. There is no lesson learned by a grieving husband and his children when the heart of their home no longer tucks little ones into bed, or kisses her husband and gives him a safe place to unload the burdens of his day. And what of the fathers, taken in their prime. Their families learn grief, fear, and insecurity at the loss of their protector. But I don't see a silver lining. Yes all these faithful families I know have an unshakable faith in God. They received strength through a Savior who has felt their sorrow and understands the bitterness of their grief. But will they know why this sacrifice was a necessary part of their personal plan on this earth.

There is purpose in suffering. And I have an abiding faith in a loving Heavenly Father that He has a plan for me and my life. These trials are part of that plan. What I'm trying to say is that our trials aren't always for this earthly existence alone. We are eternal beings and ...

I first learned about the Stress Index in my undergraduate studies. The Holmes Rahe Stress Scale gives a numeric value to many key life stressors, positive or negative. The study was conducted to determine whether the individual was at risk for developing illness based on their level of stress. In general a score above 300 indicates a high level of stress and may require intervention to avoid serious illness. The individual can then determine if some of their stressors can be eliminated?

We have a family friend who recently lost her husband after a long battle with cancer. She had other Life Events that added to her stress risk: A son leaving for college, Christmas the week after the funeral, a new home because of her reduced income. She also went back to college to improve her employment prospects, she began working part time, and she had insomnia (most likely a result of her grief). Her score on the scale is 329. She needed some support to help her maintain her health.

We just included the scale as an informative section for those who are grieving. If you can avoid adding additional stresses while mourning a loved one, you protect your health, which might help you cope better with your loss.

Stress index – Holmes and Rahe stress scale

Life Event (Life Change Units)

• Death of a spouse (100)
• Divorce (73)
• Marital Separation (65)
• Imprisonment (63)
• Death of close family member (63)
...

I've had a couple of close friends that have lost their mothers in the past few years. We've had many long talks about the loss they feel. What will I do without my cheerleader? Who do I talk to when I struggle with my rebellious child? How can I bring a new child into this world without my mom to share the joy? Will I be able to feel happy as we celebrate holidays and other important family events without my mom?

There isn't a magic formula for healing. My friends lost their moms at a considerably young age. They feel the loss so tragically because they still need a mothers reassurance with all the milestone events still ahead. One friend expressed it so poetically in her blog.

Life after mom...

I thought of not having you and a stone would grow in my heart, weighing me down, filling me with dread and apprehension. You have always been like a lighthouse that I could depend upon to steer me through rough seas.

You have been that reassuring light that meant: "You are safe, you are steady, I am here." Kvech Mom (Jennifer Liberts Weinberg)

http://kvetchmom.wordpress.com/category/grief-parenting-mother-daughter/

I read another blog post that might be helpful. Here are the words of Talena Lydia and her list of 11 things to do when a parent dies.

1. Write down everything you remember about the person. - Everything. Things that seem ...

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. From an Irish headstone" ? Richard Puz, The Carolinian

Grief is a deeply personal experience that cannot be conscribed by any other person. Each person experiences the heartache of losing a loved one differently and so many factors add the variability of our journey through grief.

My sorrow for the loss of a friend to ovarian cancer had more to do with the things this young friend had yet to experience; marriage & children were the primary regrets. As her friends, we miss her caring concern for our families, her loyalty, her kindness, her compassion. For her mother, this was her only child and the pain of separation created an incredible lonely void.

If you are grieving the death of a loved one, don't let other people and their experiences determine how you grieve. Realize that you have the right to feel the loss and cherish your memories in a way that brings you the greatest sense of relief. I found a few myths about grief which I feel are beneficial.

MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

MYTH: It's important to be "be strong" in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction...

What is considered proper to wear to a funeral or memorial service differs according to local customs and geographic region. But a few general guidelines can help steer you.

Mercifully, the old dreary dictate about wearing only black no longer applies - although, when in doubt, it's still generally a safe bet to choose either black or more muted colors, such as earth tones. Be guided by the general rule that you're attending the service to honor the person who died and to support close survivors, not to attract attention to yourself.

If you'll be attending a funeral rather than a memorial service, or you're related to the deceased or you have a role in the service, such as being a pallbearer or reciting a reading or prayer, choose somewhat conservative clothing.

You're generally safe to dress less formally when attending a memorial service; just make sure your clothes are clean, pressed, and presentable.

If the service is being held close to where you live, you probably already have a good idea of what would be considered acceptable - or you're acquainted with someone in the know whom you can ask for advice: the funeral director handling the arrangements, the religious leader who will be officiating, a relative or close friend of the deceased.

But if the service is being held out of town, you may need to be a bit more attuned to local customs, or do a bit of sleuthing to find them out. To locate people who can fill you in on local clothin...