"Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles."
- Confucius, The Analects
When someone you love loses a loved one, your first instinct is to comfort. Follow that instinct. If you are sincere, your heartfelt words and expressions of love are always welcome. There are a few suggestions I would add. Here are my top 6.
- Refrain from comparing tragedies. Even if you have experienced a similar loss in your life, no one really understands the loss of each unique relationship we hold dear. It's always better to listen. Let those who are grieving tell you how they are feeling. You never want to minimize or assume you know what the person is experiencing. It certainly helps to have a network of people who have experienced loss and empathize. Just don't expect every person to experience death in the same way.
- Avoid philosophizing and religious platitudes. Of course some people have a faith that adds sustaining power in times of trial and heartache. I am one of those people. The stillbirth of our first son brought me closer to God than any other experience I had thus far. But let the grief stricken come to terms with their faith privately. Regardless of their religious belief or life philosophy, death's separation will still be painful. Faith does not take away suffering and may even cause additional pain when friends suggest that the deceased is in a better place. Remember again the opening thought. Sincerity is the key. Pay a...